Heteronormativity has certain rules about dating: the man always picks up the tab, for example. Of course, not all straight folks stick to that outdated script, but for those who do, gay people seem to break their brain. If both people on a date are the same gender, then who should pay? According to a viral TikTok, one straight guy has an unorthodox answer.

“Straight people are so f*cking funny,” said TikToker Jesus (@supjesuss) before launching into a story about his straight coworker.

“You can tell he doesn’t have a lot of gay friends,” Jesus said. “But I was telling him about how I’ve been kind of seeing this guy, and we were gonna go out for drinks and stuff, and he was like, ‘Oh, since you both are guys, which one of you pays? Is it the one who weighs more?’”

Naturally, Jesus was flabbergasted by his friend’s suggestion — which, for the record, is absolutely not how gay people determine who pays. “Weighs more!? B*tch, what?” he exclaimed.

@supjesuss

i just moved my room around ignore the unmounted tv

♬ original sound – Jesus

Jesus’ comments section was just as gagged by his friend’s audacity. “I want to know what was going through his mind when he asked that,” one commenter wrote.

“I’m suddenly less upset about the ‘who wears the pants’ comment,” wrote another.

“The big bottoms are screaming!” said a third. “Prepping AND paying?! They’d really be fighting an uphill battle,” another replied.

But those reactions do leave one glaring question: If weight isn’t the answer, who does pay on a gay date?

Commenters had a number of theories. “My straight friends thought it was whoever was taller,” one person shared.

“I always assumed whoever made the invite pays,” wrote another, garnering lots of support in their replies.

 “Me and my boyfriend just split most of the time or switch off honestly,” offered a third. Sounds reasonable!

Other folks suggested that you defer to whoever has the higher paying job, or to the gays’ self-imposed top/bottom binary (which would be good news for any frugal bottoms out there). 

Ultimately, of course, there’s no rulebook to dating, especially when queerness is involved — but as a rule of thumb, never impose a “BMI tax,” as one user put it.

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