The gays are asking: How do you handle hooking up with your boyfriend’s dad?

Encountering an ex-lover while with your current partner can be tricky. If that ex happens to be your boyfriend’s closeted dad? Even trickier.

So lamented one concerned Redditor, who took to the internet to tell his story and ask his fellow gays for advice. The user explained that two years into a fabulous relationship, he finally met his boyfriend’s parents — including his father, who was hauntingly familiar.

“I recognized him as soon as I saw him. About 4 years ago we used to work in the same building,” he explained in his post. “One day, horny and bored, I downloaded Grindr and started talking to this faceless profile 0 ft away. He told me about this hidden place in the building parking lot where guys from the building [sometimes] meet and hook up.”

“He did say he was married and was very discreet,” the user admitted. “At that moment I didn’t mind as I just wanted to get off.” 

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The two hooked up three times, he continued, before the user got a new job and stopped working in the building. Cut to the present day: the two were sharing a very uncomfortable weekend, until the dad made an excuse for them to go to the grocery store alone together.

“The whole way there was painfully silent. It wasn’t until he parked the car at the store, turned the car off and immediately started crying,” the Redditor explained.

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“He said a lot of things, but basically he started begging me to not say anything and didn’t want his family to break apart. He tried to explain he was just very confused back then, sort of insinuated that he didn’t do any of that anymore and that he was very ashamed of it,” he continued. “I felt I could only try to comfort him saying that I wouldn’t say a thing and telling him not to worry.”

Perhaps that could’ve been the end of things, if it weren’t for the father’s continued strange behavior.

“I felt something weird about his attitude towards me. He started to be quite touchy and started making some comments about my body which made me uncomfortable,” the poster continued. “The rest of the night he toned it down but I still could feel some of that, which makes me assume he hasn’t really changed.”

With that, he turned to the comments for advice. “I feel the ‘smartest’ thing is to not say anything, act like nothing happened in the past and ignore any advances his father might do, but I also can’t help to feel I’m actively hiding something very important from my boyfriend,” he wrote. “What would be the best way to handle this?”

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Some warned that the situation will come to a head one way or another, including if the father tries to paint the poster as the villain. “You MUST tell your boyfriend of two years before it’s too late. Like NOW. Do you really think his father is going to allow you to continue to date him knowing what you know?” asked one commenter. “Don’t be naive. He’s going to make something up on you. You have to be honest with your boyfriend. You owe him that.”

Several others echoed that sentiment: “You need to find a way to tell your boyfriend,” wrote another commenter. “No way that level of secret is going to be good for a relationship if you end up being married.”

But others said some things are better left as secrets, particularly considering the potential consequences of spilling the beans.

“Some sensitive information should be taken to the grave. In this case, you have to weigh the cost/benefit of revealing this information,” one commenter advised. “If you reveal it, it may torpedo your relationship with your bf (depending on his attitudes), and it will blow up his parents’ marriage. His dad’s secret behavior is not your responsibility. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, a random hookup. It might have been anyone else. Who knows?”

But the most upvoted comment of all was less advice and more of a prayer: “Good luck dude, good f*cking luck,” it reads. “I really don’t know what else to say.”

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