The gays are asking: How do you handle your partner making more money than you?

At this point, gay age gap discourse has been debated into oblivion. But gay pay gap discourse? It’s the new frontier.

For example, how might a gay guy navigate dating someone who makes six times their salary? So asked a user on Reddit on the verge of moving into his wealthy boyfriend’s penthouse apartment after three years of dating.

“I am super nervous about suddenly living with someone who lives a life I can by no means afford,” he wrote, saying he was insecure about his career in construction, which earned with a salary of $50,000 a year compared to his boyfriend’s $300,000 a year. “I feel like I have to change my whole life or something. Has anyone been through something similar? I don’t want to end the relationship because of this massive difference in income.”

Luckily for that poster, the comments section was in agreement: If you communicate your anxieties, your partner making more than you shouldn’t pose a problem.

Culture, unfiltered

Twice a week, our newsletter will bring you the pulse of queer culture, from the tastemakers to the groundbreakers.

“If he asked you to move in he obviously enjoys your company and he’d probably like to treat you generously not in a sugar daddy way,” one user wrote. “I’m sure he wants to share his success and it happens to be with you.”

“As long as he isn’t using his money to control or change you, just enjoy and go with the flow,” they added.

Related

The gays are asking: How do you handle hooking up with your boyfriend’s dad?

“I recognized him as soon as I saw him,” lamented the author of the controversial post.

Several commenters wrote from the opposite position, making much more than their partners and happy to pick up the financial slack.

“I personally make about 4x my partner, but it hasn’t been (much) of an issue,” commented one user. “We both put our funds towards our mutual living standard, even if I pay more from month to month.”

“The obvious answer is to talk to him about it,” recommended another. “I can say from my experience on the other side of things, he probably knows if you’re doing things at his income level he’s going to pick up the tab often and is comfortable with it.”

A third commenter who said he made 10 times his partner’s income said he simply pays for the big things — housing, vehicles, vacations — while his partner covers daily expenses — utilities, groceries, medications. “We [have] NEVER let this system be an issue or feel remorse for it. I can’t help being in love with him or him me,” he wrote. “Could Prince Charming be remorseful Cinderella was but a housekeeper?”

Related

The gays are asking: What should be the rules for a gay ‘bro code’?

“Don’t let your mate go home with a weirdo, no matter how hot the weirdo is.”

But another commenter replied that that system wasn’t fair: “The more I think about it, the more it becomes problematic,” they wrote. “Suppose both partners use the house equally but one only pays 30%, then wouldn’t it clearly [be that] one is disproportionately enjoying way more than his share.”

Then again, equality isn’t the same as fairness — and when it comes to love, there are more important things than money. As one commenter put it, “If you’re allocating someone’s share of something solely based on their financial contributions, that’s a business relationship and not a romantic one.”

Sign up for the INTO newsletter and get your twice-weekly dose of stories that shape the queer experience, culture, and lifestyle.