The gays are asking: What should be the rules for a gay ‘bro code’?

The idea of a “bro code” might sound like hetero nonsense at first glance, but plenty of guys can agree that a few base guidelines for socializing in queer circles wouldn’t hurt. That’s why one user took to Reddit to ask other gay men what rules they’d add to a brand-new gay bro code.

“What’s one thing you think we should universally respect more in the gay community that often gets ignored?” they asked in their post. “I’ll start: Maybe not ghosting after three great dates?”

Several commenters also had ideas about how to handle gay dating, including an adaptation of the straight bro code’s principal rule: “bros before hos” — though the term “hos,” we could leave behind. 

“I’ve seen so many gay friends pretty much abandon our friend group the moment they got into a relationship with complete radio silence,” one commenter wrote. “Only to come back crying to us 6 months later because it didn’t work out.”

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Another commenter suggested we all do our best to live in the romantic moment: “Don’t open Grindr on a date,” they wrote.

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Other bro code rules were about how to handle gay friendships — especially how to keep platonic relationships firmly in the friend zone.

“To not automatically sexualize friendships just because you are horned up one night,” one commenter suggested.

Then there are rules for a night out. “Don’t let your mate go home with a weirdo, no matter how hot the weirdo is,” reads one comment.

Another commenter asked for loyalty from friends. “If my boyfriend is cheating on me while out with you, tell me,” they asked. “Most of my friend group knew my ex was cheating on me and didn’t say a thing. Even claimed to take my side and wanted to hang out after the breakup. We were openly monogamous. My lost friendships were almost as painful as the breakup itself.”

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In that same vein, another user asked that everyone try harder to respect their friends’ existing relationships.

“Don’t flirt with a friend’s boyfriend/husband,” they wrote. “My now husband and I maintain a very small circle of gay friends and mostly associate with straight friend circles due to the fact that most of the gays we have met and tried to become friends with wanted more, or simply wouldn’t respect our boundaries.”

Those rules make a short — but important — list of how to treat other gay guys, and they’re only scratching the surface. What else belongs in our bro code?