It’s no secret that in a perfect world, lesbians would be running things. At the height of the AIDS crisis, queer women cared for ailing members of their community, all while organizing and advocating for medical rights for AIDS patients. Before that, lesbian potlucks in the 60s and 70s brought queer women together to care for each other and find collective solutions to the violence and stigma facing the entire LGBTQ+ community. In 1992, lesbian poet Zoe Leonard wrote her famous poem beginning with the phrase “I Want a D*ke for President,” and those words remain as pertinent as ever as we ramp up toward the Presidental elections in November.
So what would it be like if we actually got our wish? One TikToker has conveniently answered that question by presenting us with a fantasy sapphic government, and it goes a little something like this.
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TikToker @hina is doing the important work of showing us what a better, more sapphic government would look like, and we are forever in her debt. Starting off strong with a “sapphademic” Supreme Court would put us in the perfect position for a political Feminineomenon. “Imagine a Supreme Court full of people who have done their reading, have rationale, and put women first.”
I’m sold. But there’s more! Moving on to the Dept. of Homeland Security, we’re seeing a full butch takeover. “I always feel secure when a butch is around,” she says, “and that’s reason enough for me to believe that they would be really good at this job.”
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Again, this logic is nothing short of perfect. Put fashion femmes in the secret service, high femmes in charge of the military, and cottagecore lesbians heading up the Dept. of Agriculture, and then we’d really be talking. Throw in a futch speaker of the house, and we’re cooking, people.
Basically everyone currently in line for a seat at the table needs to do one thing, and one thing only: make way for lesbians. Because if anyone can save this country, it’s the girls who like girls.
Our first order of business? Changing the pledge of allegiance so instead of saying “under God” it says “under Hayley Kiyoko, lesbian Jesus.”
