Here’s the real problem with the “ex-gay” label

While we’ve certainly come along way in the past 10 years in regard to outlawing the harmful, junk science practice of anti-gay conversion therapy, just less than half of the states in the US have no anti-conversion therapy bills on the books, even concerning minors.

While it’s not exactly surprising—especially considering the current reactionist push against LGBTQ+ rights—there are plenty of reasons why banning the practice altogether has to remain high on our priority list. For one thing, there’s no point in traumatizing and indoctrinating a new batch of queer kids struggling to survive under the current political regime. And for another…well…it doesn’t work.

I mean, obviously not. But you might not realize just how obvious it really is.

“I’ve actually been watching a lot of “ex-gay” content for a book that I’m writing,” says TikToker Chrys of @theqweeragenda, “and one thing that’s consistent in nearly all of the testimonies I’ve heard is that they admit to still being attracted to their same sex.”

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So why use the label “ex-gay” if it’s not actually the truth? As Chrys explains, it’s more about reframing queer desire as a kind of Satanic impulse instead of the naturally-occurring phenomenon that it is.

“They…don’t call it attraction,” Chrys goes on to explain. “They use terms like ‘temptation,’…they blame it on the Devil.”

But it all amounts to the same thing: conversion therapy doesn’t actually take away your queerness (duh) or change the reality of same-sex attraction. It just makes people feel justified in denying themselves the queer love and sex they actually crave.

Which, again, should feel obvious. But it bears repeating.

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“A gay person who’s been convinced to suppress who they are in the name of religion is not the same as being ‘delivered’ from homosexuality,” Chrys continues. “Being gay is not something that someone can be delivered from.”

Precisely: as much as conservative Christians constantly rag on queer and trans folks for understanding gender and sexuality as the complex phenomena they are, they’re the ones who are actually engaging in make-believe. It feels insane that we should still have to be having these conversations in 2024, but considering the state of things politically, we do have to keep talking about it.

“This is one of the few times where I don’t mind invalidating another queer person’s journey,” Chrys says, regarding those who identify as ex-gay, “because the idea of deliverance has done so much harm to our community.”

Exactly: we don’t believe in exorcisms anymore, so why are we still acting like it makes sense to “pray the gay away?”

“People are being made to believe that a part of them that they can’t change and that doesn’t hurt anyone is wicked and should be erased,” she continues. “That a Diety that is supposed to love them has only given them two options: live inauthentically, or burn in Hell.”

Gay folks raised in the Church deserve so much better. They should be able to feel loved and accepted for who they are, not shamed into undertaking a painful process that, when all is said and done, changes nothing.

Hopefully we’ll see a federal ban of conversion therapy practices in our lifetime, but as with all progress, it’s going to be a long and bumpy road getting there.