Here’s the surprisingly horny reason why conservative book bans are destined to fail

Conservatives might think that LGBTQ+ books like All Boys Aren’t Blue and Gender Queer are responsible for turning kids gay and trans by the truckload, but anyone with half a brain knows that reading simply doesn’t work that way. Being gay and trans is much more complex than that, and no matter how hard conservatives try to make queer literature inaccessible to teens, people will always find a way to read the books that are destined to change their lives.

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But that’s not the only reason why these anti-gay, anti-trans book bans are destined to fail. According to one TikToker, there’s a much more subversive piece of writing hiding in plain sight, one that can never be banned.

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Yesterday on TikTok, comedian Keara Sullivan explained how funny she found it that conservative parents are going out of their way to ban books like Looking for Alaska and This Book is Gay despite the fact that “none of those books are…responsible for corrupting middle schoolers across America.” According to Sullivan, these parents are “so far off, it’s not even close.”

So what’s the book that is responsible? Why 1967’s The Outsiders, of course! “That’s the book that turns middle schoolers into little monsters,” she says. “Trust me, I know it firsthand.” She goes on to explain that her entire 7th-grade class lost their sh*t over this book and “turned feral” after it was assigned. And it’s no mystery why.

When S.E. Hinton’s The Outsiders first hit shelves, it caused a certified ruckus. Written by an 18-year-old girl who’d kept her identity secret, the book made instant waves and the gritty story of teen boys in rival gangs soon heralded as the second coming of Lord of the Flies. But that was nothing compared to what the 1983 movie did for the culture. For one thing, it put Rob Lowe in a towel that threatens to fall off the entire scene. When middle schoolers are assigned this book, Sullivan says, “the first thing they do is watch the movie version, which happens to feature the hottest cast of young men that has ever appeared in the history of cinema.” We’re talking Rob Lowe (and his towel), Tom Cruise, Matt Dillon, and Patrick Swayze.

But the true beauty of The Outsiders, according to Sullivan, is that it’s totally unban-able. “There’s no explicit content in that book,” she says, “and its been taught for decades. You have no case or argument here.”

So yeah—unless conservatives are willing to start banning historically “straight” media, it’s looking like a loss. You can’t stop the beat, and you can’t stop the power of hot young men in a movie together. It can’t be done! So just give up trying.

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