Here’s what happens when you come out as a lesbian, according to TikTok

During Pride Month, it’s not uncommon for queer folks to summon up the courage to finally come out. This is the time, people! But coming out—thrilling as it can be—also comes with a lot of questions. It’s hard to know what to expect in terms of other people’s reactions, and it’s just as difficult to know how to sort through all the internal questions and changes you might be facing.

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This video proves that comp het is real…and dangerous

Comp het is very much alive and well

Luckily, the Internet often comes in clutch in just these situations. Whatever you’re going through on your coming out journey, there’s a very strong chance that someone else has been through it before, and is prepared to help you out. So let TikTok be your guide! But also find some IRL queer friends, because that’s definitely an important part of the coming-out process.

If you’re curious, here are just a few possible side effects of coming out as sapphic from people who have gone through it before.

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You might cry having sex (it’s fine)

“The first time I went down on a girl,” explains Rica Charleston on the lesbian podcast Made It Out, “I cried.” And yeah, that’s absolutely real. They can be tears of relief, happiness, stress, or horniness—but basically it’s entirely normal to feel a lot of emotions when you have your first sexual experiences post-coming out. Big emotions are part of the territory, so don’t judge yourself for feeling them. Just let it all flow.

People might come to you for validation and advice

Being out of the closet a few months doesn’t make you an expert on the sapphic experience—but to people who are still in the closet, you’re a walking, talking miracle. So don’t be surprised if folks start asking you questions like “how did you know you were gay?” or “what if I think I like girls?” Remember: you don’t have to be an expert, that is not your job. You’re still learning! So feel free to exercise boundaries. Everyone has their own coming out journey, and this is yours!

People might get mad at you for not centering men (the hell with them!)

Coming out as a lesbian doesn’t just change things in the bedroom—you may find that your entire worldview is changing. For instance, you might start noticing comp het everywhere you look, and you might begin to wonder, “hey, what’s up with that? Why are men literally everywhere, and why are there entire industrial complexes dedicated to trying to make me feel like I should be attracted to them?”

Keep asking those questions, because they’re important! But don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone. Other people (namely cis men) might feel a way—so let them! Men’s feelings are not, and have never been, your responsibility.

Your past relationship failures might start to make a lot of sense

Because comp het is extremely real, it’s not uncommon that women who start out identifying as straight or bisexual could end up coming out as 100% sapphic. Being bisexual is 100% great and fine, but if that’s not how you identify despite having past relationships with men, that’s also fine. How you identify is up to you, and you get to define your own experience for yourself. The important thing is to not let other peoples’ ideas define you or make you feel judged. This is a time of radical self-acceptance, so lean into it!

You may experience coming out euphoria

One particularly awesome side effect of coming out at any age is that you will absolutely start to feel better. It might not happen right away, and you might have to have some painful conversations with friends and family who are less accepting. But after you get through the hard parts, you’re free to be exactly who you are and go after what you want. And that feels good, especially after feeling the shame of keeping your identity hidden for so long. So embrace it! This is your moment!

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