The discourse around lesbian fluidity, explained

It’s a common refrain: sexuality is fluid. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that statement; in fact, it’s an important reminder that heterosexuality isn’t the default setting for humans, and that there’s a wide range of queer identities out in the world. But that doesn’t mean every individual’s sexuality is fluid — a fact lesbians on social media are calling out.

The discourse began with a viral post on X from a user named Nico, reading, “We’re in an epidemic of fluidity being forced down the throats of lesbians btw.”

Nico further explained their point in the replies, writing, “The concept of sexuality being fluid is not a universal experience and a lot of lesbians do not experience that with their own sexuality. (This is not speaking on the expansiveness of lesbianism! I’m talking [about] fluid outside of it).”

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“I’ve [just] noticed a lot of instances recently of [people] who explicitly say they are lesbians have [that] constantly questioned and then [people] bending backwards to apply fluidity to them/almost pressure them into needing to feel like their sexuality is fluid in order for it to be valid,” she continued.

hii yes ofc! the concept of sexuality being fluid is not a universal experience and a lot of lesbians do not experience that with their own sexuality (this is not speaking on the expansiveness of lesbianism ! im talking abt fluid outside of it) + ive jus noticed a lot of

— ・❥・ (@vmpbff) June 25, 2024

instances recently of ppl who explicitly say they are lesbians have tht constantly questioned and then ppl bending backwards to apply fluidity to them/almost pressure them into needing to feel like their sexuality is fluid in order for it to be valid. like it seems to always be

— ・❥・ (@vmpbff) June 25, 2024

toward ppl who specifically have a mono attraction or multi attraction within a specific group of ppl where this is constantly brought up or an attempt to create the existence of it happens (and esp from ppl who are alrdy kind of dismissive of labels in the first place tbh)

— ・❥・ (@vmpbff) June 25, 2024

Other lesbians were quick to commiserate, sharing their own frustrations with the argument pointing out the fact these same criticisms never seem to be brought up toward gay men. 

because we live in a patriarchal society and people love bringing men into things, not the other way around?? i thought we’ve been over this..

— neil🍉 (@biirdcat) June 26, 2024

People literally just can’t cope with the idea of a woman’s sexuality that isn’t catering to men in some way

— Spaghette (@awildspaghette) June 26, 2024

One person lamented about the bizarre hypothetical situations people propose, as if to get lesbians to admit they’re not actually lesbians.

“I will never forget after saying lesbians don’t like men, somebody asking me in earnest, if a lesbian is having sex with a genderfluid person and they flow back into a man during the event, what happens?” they recalled. “What if the world was made of pudding?”

Thats not even how gender fluidity works😭 we dont morph into a new gender like werewolves it just means our gender is highly situational

— Coquítose Ro《PRIDE ICONS NOW AVAILABLE》 (@coquitose_ro) June 25, 2024

This is prob the only time that person thinks of genderfluid people

— Theo (@TheoBenzmiller) June 26, 2024

To be clear, this isn’t intended as a trans-exclusionary argument (trans lesbians are still lesbians, after all), nor is it saying that all lesbians have to adhere to a strict, traditional definition of the label (some folks who do identify as lesbians are attracted to men — just not all). Rather, lesbians are saying their sexualities are questioned more than other queer people’s, no doubt due to them usually leaving men out of the equation in a patriarchal society.

this tweet is leaving my bubble and ppl who dont know me or my politic are starting to engage with it so to clarify lol this is NOT abt trans lesbians and if u think im agreeing with u in any type of terf or bioessentialist way you will be blocked immediately

— ・❥・ (@vmpbff) June 25, 2024

Long story short, when someone tells you their sexuality, believe them. Yes, for many, sexuality is fluid — but for others, it’s set in stone, and that should be respected.

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