If you’re gay and you’ve been out for a minute, you know that there is a one unalienable truth about this community that no man, woman, twink or twunk dare question. Bears are the pillars of our community, and we owe them everything. They threw the first brick at Stonewall and outed Abraham Lincoln even before Cole Escola did. When Alien: Romulus came out, they showed up in full force. We love them, and we are not worthy.

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The Internet is noticing something very gay about these Alien: Romulus fans

Which is why gays everywhere are well and truly miffed at this hierarchy chart of gay male categories that places bears at the very bottom.

Now right off the bat, there are a few problems here. First of all, what are we doing. Is this meant to reflect real life, or some kind of ideal? Either way…no. Just no.

The people have spoken, and they’re saying “no thank you!”

Why do we, as extremely online people, feel the need to do these things.

Bears rule, and fatphobia is stupid, and let’s all stop pretending that people who perform menial tasks and manual labor aren’t the most crucial part of our society!

It’s 2024: why are we still being fatphobic on main.

I want a Bear for President. I want an Otter for VP. I want the cabinet to be all bears, and the senate, and the house…just as long as none of them are JD Vance.

As with so many things on the Internet, nobody needed or wanted this, but I guess we got it anyway.

This is a PSA, and a cautionary tale: please, for the love of God and all that is holy, find some time to log off today. Touch grass, find a bear, and go frolic with him in the woods.

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