Trans folks are asking: Is it okay to be an ally out of spite?

When it comes to supporting trans folks, is all allyship good allyship, or does motivation matter? A teenager out for revenge has a trans subreddit debating the answer.

“Should I put a pin on my backpack to spite a transphobic girl?” reads the post’s title.

“I have a Protect Trans Kids pin that I got last year. I myself am not trans, just an Ally,” the teenager wrote. Cut to a classroom discussion on trans rights, where one of their classmate’s took an anti-trans stance.

“This girl closed the argument by saying Trans people are mentally unstable, and need help,” they continued. “She’s temporarily seated next to me now, and when she saw my pride pin, she scoffed. So I was wondering if I should put my Protect Trans Kids Pin on, and put on full display. Should I do it?”

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Some trans folks wholeheartedly supported the move. “YES DO IT and then update us on the look on her face when she sees it. Excellent ally behaviour,” wrote one commenter.

“Yes,” agreed another. “It’s pissing off transphobes that helped get me out of bed during a depressing time.”

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But others, even if they supported the action of wearing the pin, were concerned that the poster was doing it for the wrong reasons. Their course of action, they worried, sounded dangerously close to the logic of so-called allies who are quick to shout “f*ck TERFs” but not so willing to fight for trans rights without someone to dunk on in the process.

“Put it on to support trans kids. Spite her as a bonus,” reads the most upvoted comment. “It’s a bit pedantic but it’s true. Personally I want allies who are loud because they’re our allies first and foremost. Not just to be instigative.”

“My advice would be not to wear it out of spite. Wear it because you support trans rights,” echoed another commenter. “Believe me, I know how these people can get under your skin, but don’t let them affect what you do. If you want to wear the pin, wear it, but wear the pin cos you want to, not because she doesn’t want you to.”

“Yes, but also to show support for any trans kids in your school. You have no idea who is trans and closeted or trans and hasn’t figured themselves out yet. Support the trans people first, spite the transphobes second,” commented a third. “Your heart is in the right place. You’ve got this.”

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The original poster wrote two updates, first to thank folks for their insight and agreeing that operating out of spite wasn’t the right move. That said, they did still wear the pin, but never got to see it have its intended effect.

“I wore it to school today, and the girl didn’t even show up,” they wrote. “But I found out, and I swear I’m not making this up, that on her way to school she got into a car accident. She’s not hurt though. Her car is just damaged. Am I allowed to say Karma?”

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