Trans folks are asking: What’s one thing you wish cis people understood?

Being trans isn’t easy — and cis people’s ignorance doesn’t make it any easier. There are some things about transess that cis folks just can’t seem to get through their heads, and on Reddit, trans people are sharing the things they wish cis people could understand.

“That you don’t just wake up one day and decide to transition,” reads the top comment. “How much inner fight trans people go through and how many alternatives trans people hope for just to not be trans and not have to repress, all in vain.”

“Nothing about it is easy,” agreed another commenter. “If we go through all this colossal sh*tshow just to transition, maybe it is something that is actually ‘that’ important and vital to our existence and not a fad, or a phase, and it doesn’t ‘just get better.’”

To that end, several commenters wrote that they want cis people to realize transness isn’t a choice. “It’s not WANTING to be the opposite gender, it’s BEING the opposite gender stuck in the wrong body,” as one commenter put it. “I’m ftm and I wouldn’t mind being a girl, but I’m not a girl. It’s just not what I am.”

Culture, unfiltered

Twice a week, our newsletter will bring you the pulse of queer culture, from the tastemakers to the groundbreakers.

Another commenter seconded that sentiment: “I wouldn’t mind being a cis guy, but I’m not that, and never have been. I’ve always been a girl in the wrong body. Most cis people can’t wrap their head around that concept though, which is a huge part of the problem.”

Related

Trans folks are asking: What everyday moments give you gender euphoria?

From picking up the tab to brushing your hair, gender affirmation can come where you least expect it.

This cis guy is taking estrogen for fun, and trans folks have thoughts

“I view it in a similar way to shrooms or some other psychedelic. It’s just nice to shake up your brain chemistry every once in a while.”

Other commenters pointed to ways that cis folks could be better allies to trans people. “Being supportive without voicing your support, is not being supportive,” one commenter wrote. 

“I.E. a friend recently texted me something along the lines of, ‘It goes without saying, but I admire you for being so brave and for being yourself,’” they continued. “It does not go without saying dude, you need to say it out loud. Affirmation and active support of the trans people in your life is vital to their survival.”

Though affirmation is great, what matters most is tangible legal progress, wrote another commenter. “More than just vocal support, we need improved medical access to gender affirming care,” they wrote. “All the social support in the world can only help so much without legislation to back it up.”

And speaking of gender-affirming care, one commenter wished that cis people understood that it isn’t a trans invention, but something cis people get all the time without issue.

“Cis people receive gender affirming care every day. Take cis men and look at all the products designed/marketed to make them ‘feel like a man,’” they wrote. “Commercials for testosterone boosting products, hair loss products, and products for better sexual performance play all day long. All featuring men who are looking to ‘feel like a man again.’ You people invented gender-affirming care, not us.”