People are explaining why they left the trans community and the reasons are surprising

The trans community has a history of supporting each other and working to fight for trans rights. A quick look at political headlines makes it easy to see why that’s necessary. But on the subreddit r/asktransgender, one user wants to know “why do people ‘leave’ the trans community?”

To clarify, this question isn’t about “detransitioners” who decide to stop living as trans because of social, financial, or various other barriers, but rather about the social aspect of it all. It’s common for someone early in their transition to find a trans community that they can talk to about their struggles, get advice, and generally remind themselves that they’re not alone. But it’s also not unusual for trans people to slowly leave these communities as time goes on, especially if they decide to become stealth. So, why do they leave?

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While the reasons for any single individual choosing to step away from the trans community are going to be subjective, redditors seem to agree on a few points. Perhaps the most consistent is simply that at a certain point in their transition, they find that they don’t need that support anymore. One user writes, “Once dysphoria/anxiety/fear/confusion is mostly gone, there is not much else to really discuss that is an [sic] universal transgender experience.”

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Some commenters noted that despite not needing the support themselves, they stayed in those community spaces to give back. This takes the forms of providing support for other people who are in the early stages of their journey and helping to educate others both inside and outside of the LGBTQ+ community. But not everyone has the desire or the patience to do that, and that’s fair too.

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Others have pointed to the fact that many of the community spaces are filled with “baby trans,” and that once you are further along with your transition, a space where so many people are still trying to work out what it all means isn’t necessarily what you need or what you relate to. Some Redditors pointed to the fact that all the questions and discussions can get repetitive, and that once you’re seen as a more experienced trans person “every single time you enter a trans group you’re asked for help” and it begins to feel like a job.

When it comes down to it, they say that people leave the trans community spaces that they began their journey in because the just aren’t in that place anymore. While many trans folks are passionate about their identity for their entire lives and are committed to fighting political injustice and paving the way for others, some trans folks simply want to live a quiet life and don’t find it important to signal to others that they’re trans.

Eventually, people’s trans identity stop being a defining lodestar of their everyday and become part of their larger being. Trans people keep in touch with friends they have made who share common interests, but simply being trans isn’t always enough to keep that connection going anymore.