An unfaithful partner can have telltale signs: hiding their phone, picking extra fights, or cutting back on intimacy, to name a few. But in a queer relationship, the clues can get a touch more niche, as one concerned fiancé lamented on Reddit.

In a post titled “Fiance took his douche with him on a work trip,” the poster turned to other gay men for advice on his titular problem.

“We’re not in an open relationship, despite my bringing it up. I drove him to the airport today so he could go to some work conference in Vegas where he’ll be for several days,” he explained. “Went to use the bathroom and I cannot help but notice something of his not where it usually is. Wondering how to bring it up, if I should. Do I just pretend not to notice? I’m a top so what do I know, but those have only one major intended use in our community as far as I know.”

Other Redditors were quick to confirm his fears: “I can think of no earthly reason why a person in a monogamous relationship would ever pack a douche for a work trip,” wrote one commenter. “You know what the reasonable conclusion is, I know what the reasonable conclusion is. And it’s beyond f*cked up that this is premeditated.”

“You just have to decide how you feel about this, and if his actions bring you both closer to your mutual goals or takes you further from them,” they continued. “On one hand, his actions bring you closer to the open relationship you seem to desire, on the other, he’s shown a propensity to be deceptive. Figure out how you feel and let that guide your actions.”

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But the original poster needed a bit more info to make up his mind. He returned with an update, saying he confronted his fiancé.

“Just asked him if he brought his douche with him,” he wrote. “He says that yes he did, so that he could use it as a travel bidet.” That’s a new one.

“Frankly I don’t know if I believe that, especially since he also bought some fishnet shirts for this trip,” he continued. “When I asked him if the douche and his new sexy clothes were completely unrelated he just responded with ‘It’s Vegas!’ So I genuinely don’t know what to make of that.”

Given that the OP is a top, it’s fair that he’d be confused about the potential applications of a douche. But other bottoms were quick to shut down the idea of using one as a “travel bidet.”

“Look I’m a bottom. And I’m pretty obsessive about keeping my booty clean after I take a dump. I also have a bidet in my house,” shared one commenter. “But you know what? It’s absolutely no problem at all for me to function without those niceties and luxuries in life. I can just use regular toilet paper like everyone else when I’m traveling, or staying with family, or at a hotel, etc.”

Another commenter got straight to the point: “A bidet cleans the outside. A douche cleans the inside. Your fiancé is planning to get laid.”

A third commenter was inclined to agree: “To me, as a bottom myself, I read this as he’s definitely getting it up the *ss from someone else on this trip.”

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So, how did the original poster investigate? With some Grindr shenanigans, of course — and he wasn’t happy with what he found.

​​”Everyone’s suspicions have been confirmed,” he wrote in a second update. “Looked up his hotel, plugged the zip into Grindr, there he was. Openly planning a three way in his profile description. I am beside myself.”

So ends the saga of the disappearing douche: an unfaithful fiancé and a brigade of bottoms adding helpful insight. Let it be a lesson to any suspicious gays out there — a missing douche could mean more than meets the eye.

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