The gays are asking: What hard truths do gay men need to hear?

If you can’t read yourself, how the hell are you gonna read somebody else? 

That’s the question gay men asked of one another in a Reddit post titled, “What’s an unpopular truth gay men need to hear?” The original poster lamented about his friend, who seemed to fall in love with men based only on their chemistry in the bedroom.

“A lot of men will think a night of great sex instantly makes them soulmates,” the poster wrote. “The sex is great in most toxic relationships but every other non-sexual aspect is hell.”

In the comments section, several people agreed with the original poster’s point.

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“I NEVER think great sex means compatibility,” wrote one commenter.

“Sex isn’t the most important thing in life or in a relationship,” echoed another.

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Lots of commenters piggybacked on the topic of sex and relationships. On the flirtation front, several folks said they could use a reminder on how to tell the difference between romantic interest and politeness.

“That barista is NOT into you!” wrote one commenter. “That’s at least something I need to hear.”

“Just [because] that straight handsome guy smiled at you/was nice to you, doesn’t mean they’re into you or that you ‘can turn them,’” agreed another. “Some people are just handsome and kind.”

In that same vein, lots of people said that gay guys need to stop idolizing (and pining for) straight men.

“People who identify as straight will highly likely NOT fall in love with you,” wrote one commenter. “While there are cases of men who actually question their sexuality, I say that it’s SAFE to assume that the straight guy you’re flirting with is not, cannot, and WILL NOT be the one for you.”

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The other major thread in the comments revolved around using queerness as an excuse for cruelty. Long story short: stop being mean.

“Mean girl behavior is not cute or funny,” wrote one commenter. “Bullying is bullying, and being gay doesn’t exempt you from that title.”

“You are not being witty, funny or cool when you bring others down for laughs. Being a b*tch isn’t a personality quirk. It’s mean,” agreed another. “Seeing my younger self in these late 20s sassy gays was sobering as I approach 40.”

“Being mean or b*tchy is not a genetic trait of being gay. You also don’t get a pass to [be] horrible because you’re gay and then say it’s ’catty humor,’” wrote a third. “We should be nice to each other in this community, especially given how much we’ve all been mistreated by those outside the community.”

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