If you’ve ever seen a Greek or Roman statue of an unclothed man, you’ve probably noticed something not quite…accurate…about a certain part of their anatomy.

I’m referring, of course, to the fact that most Western statues from antiquity have a habit of downsizing men’s appendages to the point of making them comically small. There’s a reason for this—unless the subject in question was being purposely mocked or made out to be some kind of horny Pan or Priapus stand-in, a small dick meant that you were chaste and pure and kept your rank desires to yourself. Also, it’s possible that even the Greeks, those famous horny mfers, didn’t want to get turned on every time they visited the Acropolis—that was what pottery art was for.

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This cheeky centerfold of Robbie Williams is the stuff of gay legend

But today is a different era, and modern sculpture is playing by a different set of rules.

After one stalwart gay account posted a photo of a statue with an appendage that looks a little bit more like what we’re used to seeing on men, the people fell into rapturous praise of said…art.

“First statue of a male I’ve seen without a microp*nis,” the original poster wrote in the caption. Indeed! It’s rare to see a work of art that’s so…true to life. Or rather, true to fantasy. And as many posters are noticing, he’s uncircumcised.

“Night at the museum looks mad different here,” one poster joked. “I don’t remember giving permission for my likeness to be used,” another said. Others just wanted to know one thing: where can this tremendous work of contemporary art be seen in the flesh?

Well, it’s hard to say. This statue definitely doesn’t live in a museum, and we’ve heard some rumblings on Tumblr that its likeness can be bought on Etsy. But buyer beware: purchasing such an objet d’art may ensure that you never get a lick of work done ever again. How could you with that guy in the room? It’s the living embodiment of that Pikachu meme!

However, that’s not stopping anyone from losing their mind over this very important piece of art.

The gays have spoken, and they’re saying “protect me from myself.”

Getting hot and bothered for a statue? Don’t knock it ’til you try it.

Some are taking this opportunity to further their personal brand…

Others are pointing out that there’s a lot of…shall we say…fertility art out there to enjoy.

The gist is, we’re learning about art today. We are learning so much. We are taking huge loads of knowledge into our minds and getting deeply intellectual over here!

And that’s all we’re doing! Now get your filthy mind out of the gutter and go to the museum!

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