If you’re gay, it’s possible that you love sports and make it your mission to catch every game of sportsball on TV. But it’s also possible that you’re 100% true to the stereotype and can’t tell a football from a croquet mallet (and yes, I’m dragging myself here.) Either way, there’s something you need to know. There’s a secret about football they’re not telling us, but the tea is about to be spilt after this insane supercut.
“You have to like when a guy comes right in your face and just sits there and delivers it,” one announcer says as TikToker Jade Dumpling (@wigglypotatochip) tries to eat her meal in peace.
“He needed two thrusts to get it in,” another announcer says, followed by another commentator explaining that a player “has been coming all night long but then he pulls out and it’s just hard, it’s been awhile since he’s seen a hole that big.”
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You see what she’s getting at. Sure, all these pieces of commentary are taken well out of context, but the point stands. Football is a game about coming, pulling out, tight ends, wide receivers, and huge holes. Period!
If you’ve ever had to suffer through the familiar Thanksgiving soundtrack of a football game playing in the background, you know Jade’s pain. Her reaction is all of us. Because honestly…why not just watch porn at this point?
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“[The] coach has been blown away by Crabtree’s hands,” another announcer says, “and his ability to suck in these balls.”
I mean…what is there to say, really?
“As a lifelong football fan,” one commenter wrote, “all of these are real.” Somehow we didn’t doubt it. “We used to play a drinking game to this,” another poster explained. “Take a shot every time there’s an innuendo. Some games were rough!”
We can imagine! This supercut alone would have us about three bottles of Jack Daniels deep. But one viewer’s takeaway really summed it all up. “Okay,” they wrote, “I might start watching football.”
After Jade’s public service announcement, we have a feeling there are going to be more than a few gay converts to the time-honored sport. After all, who can say no to a guy coming in your face and then just sitting there and delivering it?
