Last night, Trump took the stage at the Republican National Convention to rant and rave about trans women in sports, his minor ear wound, and a bunch of other crap. Grandiose statements and promises were made, lip service was paid, and his bizarrely loyal fanbase was thrilled to get the bare minimum from their candidate, as per usual.

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But one detail of Trump’s speech—a scam-tastic performance with enough razzle dazzle to give Billy Flynn a run for his money—is standing out to the gays who were reluctantly paying attention. The aesthetics.

That’s right: Trump’s choice of background, which featured his name emblazoned in lights, felt awfully Mama Rose. As in “Rose’s Turn.” As in Gypsy, Stephen Sondheim/Jule Styne musical about bumping, grinding, and having a gimmick. Things Trump surely knows nothing about!

The song comes at the tail end of the musical, which tells the story of burlesque performer Gypsy Rose Lee’s rise to fame. In the play, Gypsy’s overbearing stage mother Rose—a role originated by Ethel Merman on Broadway, and later taken on by such Broadway greats as Patti LuPone, Bernadette Peters, and Bette Midler—takes the stage in the final scene to have a musical breakdown, and the gays get their absolute lives each and every time.

There’s also the uh…yeah…the Glee version. But we don’t talk about that when we can help it.

It’s not exactly surprising: we know that all Trump really has going for him is his showmanship. And when it comes to putting on a show, we gays invented it. Heard of a little thing called Broadway? Heard of a guy called Stephen Sondheim? Heard of a little place called the Orpheum Circuit?

Clearly Trump has, because this is pure Broadway plagiarism.

Mama’s gettin’ HOT

This man having the audacity to perform this role before an audience of people who wouldn’t know Ethel Merman if she showed up belting in their soup—it’s a crime, is what it is. It was also giving Chicago, Smash, Cabaret (yikes) and a million other intra-theater references.

Some things are worth gatekeeping, and Broadway culture—gay culture!—is one of them.

Mama’s droppin’ out, momma’s getting ear surgery, mama’s going to Claire’s, mama’s eatin’ Big Macs.

The man is taking a page from the diva playbook, and if we didn’t hate him so very, very, very much we would be forced to stan.

To make things even gayer, Trump also blew Hulk Hogan a kiss from the audience.

GET A FEATHERED HAT FOR THE BABY

Now I know what you’re thinking: how can a man who hates gay and trans people so much be so comfortable with stealing our culture? Well, it’s the American way, isn’t it? Kill the people, cannibalize the culture?

I’m tired, you’re tired, we’re tired, and this is just the beginning of the Election 2024 cycle. But one thing is for certain: if he wants to go for a second assassination attempt, all he has to do is perform “Some People” at any West Village karaoke bar.

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