When JD Vance was initially announced as Trump’s VP pick two weeks ago, we were all thrilled, disgusted, and shocked to learn that he lost his virginity to a couch.

That choice piece of intel ended up not being true, but you know what they say. Memes sometimes outlive the truth, and honestly in the case of complete and utter turncoats like Vance, that’s actually fine. We’ll be laughing at the great couch f*cker hoax ’til doomsday, and that’s a gift from the Gods.

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Because here’s the thing: an anecdote doesn’t need to be true to strike a chord with the American public. Vance may not in fact be a furniture lover, but he sure as hell looks like he could be.

Which is where the grand, glorious memes comes in. We’re doing to JD Vance what we did to Rick Santorum way back in the day: meme-ing him out of the race. That’s the power of the American people!

He can’t beat the couch allegations!

We might not have proof that Vance had sex with a couch, but we also don’t have proof that he DIDN’T have sex with a couch…

The people know the truth when they see it, whether or not it can be verified!

The icing on top? The fact that the AP had to take down their fact-checking article about Vance’s couch adventures because, once again, we can’t know for certain that didn’t engage in couch sex. We only know that he didn’t write about it in Hillbilly Elegy.

It’s a gorgeous day to be an American.

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