Boomer asks internet for a new way of saying “You da man” and is blown away by response

A woman who describes herself as a “boomer” and queer “ally” has turned to the internet to seek language advice.

She posted on Threads about a recent trip to a coffee shop. After obtaining a recommendation from the barista, she thanked them by saying “You da man”. 

“Okay. Be gentle with me please. I’m a Boomer, and a 🏳️‍🌈 ally, but I know I have much to learn,” she said. “Today, while ordering coffee, the barista was helping me rework a drink so it would be sugar-free, dairy-free, and caffeine free, (or no fun, as my husband would say). Anyway, when they suggested a way to make that happen, I said ‘You da man!’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m sure that alone, aged me. Anyway, I followed with a genuine ‘thank you’. I’m not going to describe the person, I’ll just say I made an assumption.

“Here’s why I’m beating myself up,” she continued. “When I glanced at the name tag they were wearing, the name was ‘Jyn’, and there were also two small, round pins. One with they/them, and the other with she/her. I try to be thoughtful and conscious about using pronouns, so when I saw that, I felt terrible. I’m not going to wallow in my regret, and honestly, I don’t know if the pins were a declarative, or maybe just to promote awareness. Either way, I learned that I will put that stupid old phrase to bed, and from now on when I want to express that sentiment, I shall say ‘You are an amazing human being.’

Your internet debrief

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“So, for those who have constructive input on this, what do you think? Again, please be gentle. I genuinely want to meet people where they are, and give them the respect they deserve, even if I am decades older. PS: Jyn was very gracious and didn’t react at all.”

Post by @houseof9lives

View on Threads

“Honestly beautiful”

Perhaps as it was posted on Threads and not X, the OP soon received over a hundred responses. The majority were positive and appreciative. 

Many thanked her for her concern about language and for doing the right thing.

“As a trans person, I really want to thank and congratulate you for being so open-minded and caring. Your effort and your ability to ask for honest guidance is honestly beautiful. 💚” was one well-liked response. 

“Sooo—my daughter is a middle schooler and says ‘oh girrrl’ to everyone, even cis men,” said another. “She’s even got her older brother using it. Seems like poetic justice to me. I’m sure you worried about it more than they did, but it’s so nice you’re concerned.”

Others suggested she not beat herself up and she probably did not cause offense.

“Middle schoolers call everyone bruh. As in ‘bro’ which is short for ‘brother’. They are oblivious and we are all part-annoyed and amused. I think “you’re da man” falls into this category. The sentiment is understood, that’s what matters here,” was another response.

“I appreciate you!”

Then came a multitude of suggestions. 

“As a nonbinary queer person, you’re doing great! Everyone has things to learn but wanting to change and grow is so important. Everyone makes mistakes and the fact that you’re wondering how you can improve means the works. ‘You the bomb’ or ‘You the best’ could be a simple shift. I think doing our best to use neutral terms is always for the best for a variety of reasons,” suggested one.

“You the bomb” was a popular suggestion…. Unless you’re in an airport or on a plane. Context matters, people!

Another person said, “I always reply with ‘Thank you, friend! I appreciate you!’ I’m the mom of a trans kid and this covers all the bases. And I think it’s ‘happy’.”

“I’ve taken to saying ‘you’re magical’ or ‘I appreciate you’ to try and make sure I’m inclusive in my reactions! I slip up, but people get a kick out of ‘you’re magical’ so it’s become just a fun phrase to use,” said someone else. 

Another “boomer” said, “I’m sure Jyn recognized you meant no harm nor shade! I’m a Boomer as well and I say ‘You’re the bees knees’ which garners laughs and pondering faces. I will forever say ‘groovy’ and ‘you’re amazing’.”

Other suggestions included “You made my day” and “You’re a legend.”

It was heartening to see the poster have so many warm and supportive messages: something she acknowledged in a follow-up thread.  

“Gee!! I would never have expected this kind of response to anything I would have to say!! I am always so intent to respond to every comment, but I think I’ve lost my place. Threads does not make it easy to manage a large number of replies. If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here trying to respond to everyone!!”

Related

Trans folks are asking: Is it weird to tell someone your pronouns?

“Is it weird to say my pronouns when I introduce myself?” asked a trans person on Reddit. “It’s just easier when it’s out there in the open.”

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