Poor JD Vance just can’t seem to get a break this week. Between his fact-checking-averse performance at the debates and his nonconsensual yassification, he’s really having a rough time. But he’s also the center of attention, which is presumably the one reason someone with no political experience would want to join this race to begin with. So can he really complain when everyone continues to drag him for filth?

Related
After the debate, JD Vance is getting the gay rebranding no one asked for

Whatever Vance’s feelings on the matter, everyone else is getting their life from the dragging before Christmas, and it shows no signs of slowing down, either. Last night on Jimmy Kimmel, the late night host beat SNL to the punch by casting Sixth Sense actor Haley Joel Osment to play Vance in a parody short. The result? A modern masterpiece.

Taking on Vance’s famous inability to be normal in a public setting, Osment embodied the Harvard weirdo to a T. Wearing the VP hopeful’s signature tightliner and navy blue suit, Osment shredded Vance to pieces in the skit, where he attempts to order a doughnut and fails miserably, several times over.

“They want you to think that I can’t order a simple door nut,” Osment says, before entering a donut shop where he asks for “whatever makes sense” and also requests that they “hold the pickles.” Things escalate and eventually Osment utters what might be the single most Vancian phrase we’ve ever heard: “I smell pregnant woman.”

It’s the performance of a lifetime, and Haley Joel Osment has already delivered quite a few of those in his storied career.

The people have been manifesting it, and the casting powers that be on SNL are probably kicking themselves right now.

Obviously Bowen Yang is already doing a wonderful job, but imagine the kind of mayhem SNL could create with TWO Vances!

The people are calling it a masterpiece, and they’re correct. It’s not an easy feat to make Jimmy Kimmel Live funny, interesting, or relevant, but Osment delivered on all three.

Just don’t say this hideously stressful election season didn’t give us anything!

Sign up for the INTO newsletter and get your twice-weekly dose of stories that shape the queer experience, culture, and lifestyle.

Help make sure LGBTQ+ stories are being told...

We can't rely on mainstream media to tell our stories. That's why we don't lock our articles behind a paywall. Will you support our mission with a contribution today?

Once Monthly Annually

Cancel anytime · Proudly LGBTQ+ owned and operated