This TikToker has a theory on bi men misusing “gay privilege”

Every queer identity faces its own unique challenges when it comes to stereotypes, dating, and finding community. That’s why one TikToker has a theory about bisexual men: namely, that there are way more of them than meets the eye.

“30% of all gay men are bi, yet they don’t want to lose something called gay privilege, which enables them to wear tank tops in public and make fun of women,” posited TikToker and podcast host Evan Lazarus in a video with more than 620,000 views. 

“Instead, to cull these feelings, they perform pseudosexual acts on women such as kissing and grinding in the club under the guise of play and fun,” Lazarus continued. “But actually it’s part of their more complex sexuality that they don’t want to own up to, ‘cause being bi in a queer community — especially bi men — loses you a level of privilege and loses you a sense of community, which I wish wasn’t true, but is actually one of the grander truths.”

“It’s easier for them to just be gay, not own up to the bi feelings that they have, ‘cause probably they do have stronger feelings for men, but they are still bi at the end of the day,” Lazarus concluded.

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@elaziee

Let me know if you agree #bi

♬ original sound – Evan Lazarus

Is there any truth to Lazarus’ theory? According to the folks in their comment section, absolutely.

Several bisexual men spoke to the reality of being bi or pan in queer spaces, and not feeling as welcomed by gay men.

“Brother I’m a very masc traditionally male presenting bi dude,” one commenter wrote. “The dismissiveness I get in queer spaces is wild.”

“This is the first time I’ve felt validated for feeling a lack of community,” agreed another.

“Us pan and bi folks are invisible 😭,” lamented a third.

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Does that mean Lazarus’ estimate that 3 in every 10 gay men are secretly bi is accurate? Not necessarily. But regardless, plenty of people connected with their theory.

“You are so spot on. I’m hoping the wave of women who have felt comfortable to come out as bi will soon extend to men too,” wrote one commenter. “It’s really ok to be bi!”

“This explains really well what I think I’m going through with my own sexuality,” commented another. “I have a strong preference for men, but I struggle to understand if I’m ‘fully gay’ or not. This video has helped me.”

Clearly, it’s time for gay men to reckon with how they treat bisexual folks — or to look in the mirror and question if the way they treat (and disrespect) women is deeper than they’d care to admit.

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