A straight man has prompted hundreds of comments online after turning to the internet for advice… about coming out.

Writing in the askgaybros subreddit, the original poster (OP) asked: “How do I respectfully let someone know I’m not gay?”

He explained that a male barista at his local coffee store has gifted him a free coffee “on the house” a couple of times.

“I don’t want to lead him on,” he explained. “If you were the gentleman buying coffee for a customer how would you want them to let you know they are not interested?

“I am assuming he is hitting on me, maybe he’s just super nice?

“I’m not sure what to do but he’s a nice guy and I don’t want to hurt his feelings…”

“Buysexual”

Most of those replaying advised him to just enjoy the free coffee and not say anything unless the barista was more clearly hitting on him.

“In this economy? I’m buysexual,” was one well-liked quip.

Others said that simply insisting on paying for one’s drink should send a message.

“You can gently say thank you, but I will pay for my drinks. That will make it clear ;)”

Others advised he just accept it, but don’t forget to tip.

“What is wrong with graciously accepting the kindness and generous gesture? Unless the barista was blatantly making you feel uncomfortable, I would simply accept their gift and if there is a gratuity jar, I’d graciously reciprocate their generosity by putting tips/gratuity into the jar.”

Gay men also shared that they’d been in similar situations.

“I have been in this situation, but where the barista was a woman, and I am a gay man. I am always friendly to her, striking up conversations and making jokes together. But she got the wrong idea and started giving me stuff for free, including bringing fresh basil from her own garden to give to me! In our conversation, I casually dropped that my boyfriend really likes basil and I use it in lots of recipes. She got the idea and was not upset or anything and we just continued like nothing ever happened. Except I don’t get free stuff anymore.”

A flight attendant said kindness toward serving staff can go a long way.

“Flight attendant here. There’s a good chance you’re just polite. Unfortunately in customer service, kindness isn’t always common, and if we are able to reward it with a comped item we will.”

Gay barista offers advice

Gay baristas also entered the chat.

“I’m a gay barista and sometimes I’ll be a little flirty or extra talkative towards hot guy customers. It doesn’t mean I expect anything more in response than I would from another customer. It would be unfair to think that someone ‘owes me’ just because I gave them good customer service. So, honestly, take the free drinks as often as he gives them. If he thinks he deserves some attention in return then he’s being weird.”

The OP ultimately thought this was the best tactic.

“I think this is what I’ll do. When a female customer service person gives me free stuff, I’ll accept and say thanks, even if I’m not interested. For true equality, I need to take advantage of straight and gay people equally…

“Seriously though, I won’t bring it up unless he makes advances, then I’ll politely let him know.”

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